It's Such a Perfect Day.

So I have finally gotten around to finishing Eat Pray Love tonight, and I must say that it had exceeded my expectations. My hopes of being enlightened with stories of self-love and happiness were fulfilled. And this has conveniently coincided in my life at a perfect time.

During the school year, I had been a very skeptical personality. Skeptical about other people, life, my ambitions, love, the works. And, as other would say, I was rather a pessimist, despite me arguing back that I was merely a realist. But now, I can say that I'm a bigger realist than ever, for now I have a newfound hope that grew inside me during these first few weeks of summer. It took a while at first for me to figure it out, but after some time alone to reflect what I want and what I have, I can truly say that I am a very happy camper.

In the first few days of summer, I thought I had chances of something more. Something new. Something unexplored by the cold heart that was me of which I really was curious to experience.This something, although it was tempting in its potential at happiness, had a catch. And the catch was undeniable heartache in the end. Although I did have hopes, my hopes were diminished after pulling my head down from the clouds, and realizing the truth in the situation. My first my emotions were of desperation. I felt a longing to be elsewhere, somewhere not alone in the mess that was my life. Then anger rushed through me, because I even bothered pursuing this situation. Why hadn't I just sat still, kept my mouth shut and let things go by, just as it had done umpteen times in my life? It wasn't until I came home from California that I realized, you know what? maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe there's something underneath it all...

And that was when I truly understood that there indeed is a silver lining to everything. One looking from outside at my debacle might see me heartbroken, but as a matter of fact, my heart has not beaten with more umph and liveliness than ever before. The silver lining to this was that I finally realized how much my life already had. My life was full of passions and loves that I have full adoration for, whether they be my ambitions or the people in my life. I had a huge love for so many things, as well as a thirst to find more journeys to embark on. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how many things I had going for in my life, things that other people may not be able to claim for themselves. My love and knowledge of eclectic music from all over the world, fashion, food, football, and personal ambition are only the first few. I thought, wow, I know a hell of a lot of random stuff....but that's good! Right? means I'm well-rounded, and perhaps interesting... And these things that I already love, well, I can enjoy them already in my life right now. Although I might not have a heavenly pair of Christian Louboutins or have been to any World Cup match, I feel like the love I have captured though my recent years have been enough to get me through, and perhaps enough to persuade me to venture on and obtain even more parts of it to love. With my ambition, I will one day have those red-soled pumps, and with enough determination and connections, I will one day get to see a World Cup final of epic proportions. That being said, perhaps my love of many things is not my mind telling me what I can't have, but rather a sign that there's so much ahead of me to explore further.

I know my rant about the things I love might sound a little 'Julie-Andrews-in-The-Sound-of-Music', but it makes me realize, why the fuck should I care for something as silly as a possible frilly teenage soul connection, when I have so many things to forward to in life? I should just enjoy what I already have, because I have so much to love and adore and spend my time with. Reading many books, learning about other cultures and exotic things. Those would make me way more content than beating around the bush with my feelings. Furthermore, I have this unbelievable relief and joy that I'm single. Usually I would look at my loneliness as a sign of melancholy reflecting the future, but now, I don't think I could ever be bothered with being single. I personally think it's the greatest way to be when one is maturing and becoming wiser. I should learn about what I want and need on my own, so that extra baggage does not sway me towards a different path than I should follow. As a matter of fact, I suppose it makes sense, for I have a terrible fear of commitments. Even the thought of marriage scares me. So why would I want a relationship now, when I have no want of it in the future? I have the things and people in my life already right now to love, and frankly, I think that's all I need.

Which leads me to saying that although I am happy with my life at the moment, there is absolutely no harm in having a thirst for more. And by more, I mean breaking out of my shell and exploring what the world around me, as well as across the seas, has to offer. I have learned to never let go of little opportunities, because I can surely find a little pleasure in it, and learn something new about myself as well. I realize now what I really want, and I am willing to work for it and am not hesitant to dream about my numerous opportunities waiting for me.

Not even a month into a summer of self-exploration, and what have I learned already? That I can make my own happiness with the little pleasures and wonders that I already have, and that this is only the beginning of what will be an adventurous life, and that I should not be afraid to call the shots for some important life situations. After all, it is my life, I should decide how to get what would fulfill my happiness. Even if I don't succeed, at least I know I have loves that perhaps surpass that want and that are more worth living for. These days, I wake up to the sound of beautiful music and thoughts of potential accomplishments during the day. I feel blissful for no apparent reason. Sure, things are probably the same as it has ever been, yet I can't help but feel so happy and 'in my place' (to quote my favorite band). I have never felt this way before in my life, and although it was kind of scaring me, I quite enjoy my independence and happiness.

What's in store for me for the rest of the summer? Well, if I got this far in just a couple of weeks, imagine how I'd be by September...