Stuck in a Rut

I remember back in the days of yesteryear, I had trouble grasping the word 'happy'. Because, well, I wasn't happy.

Sometimes I would go home and feel hopeless. As if there was nothing left. And all I could conjure up to do was listen to music and cry.

Melodramatic, perhaps. Many would look at me and tell me that I was overreacting and being 'emo', or whatever kids these days say now. But even though in retrospect, I came out 'kinda' okay, the inner demons I faced were not pretty. Friends were slipping away, and I could not find any window to let out my emotions. They were just boiling inside of me.

My escape was writing numerous poems, slowly letting the truth come out of me. Sure, no one really suspected I truly felt what I wrote about, but it helped nonetheless.

But now, things are so different, and I feel so numb.

Perhaps it's because of my overload of work and stress. Usually stress would stretch these emotions out by miles, but somehow things are just different now. Tackling hard classes and the piles of work every night is tough on my mind and body. It's as if all this work is blocking me from witnessing what I really feel.

I have not broken down since the beginning of school. I have not felt that slip that I did in middle school. I don't even like a guy. Not that it's easy for me to like a guy, but the lack of compassion I have toward people now is astounding. I have become a bitter smartass who seriously needs to keep her mouth shut. And yet, I have no control, and I don't care.

Is this new lifestyle of mine not letting me able to connect with my emotions? I feel like I don't have any emotions, and even if I do bad in school, I never feel anything wrong. I just take it as it is.

It may seem good that I don't feel sad again, but the last thing I want to do is lie to myself. If I feel sad, I want to truly feel it, so I could do something about it, not deny its existence.

I might have bored you with this ridiculous rant, but after all the footie talk, I just wanted to poke a hole and let you all have a peek inside my life right now, because you (I assume) all care. That's why you read this, right?

Cesc Mate!

When Arsenal and AC Milan were to face off in the Champions League matches, many questioned whether or not the young legs of Arsenal could withstand the experienced souls of the defending champions, AC Milan. As a matter of fact, many discouraged the idea of Arsenal ever even having a chance of winning. After all, their Premier League and FA Cup performances as of late haven't been outstanding, and the first leg of the Champions League matches were unbearable to watch.

Well, for those who doubt these young gunners, you all are HORRIBLY mistaken.

The second leg of Arsenal vs. AC Milan: the match that would answer all the questions, put all the doubters to shame. And so they were.

After a match full of chances and frustrating tackles, it came down to the wire. Nearly turning off the TV in saddness and anger, I was halted by an amazing goal by who else? MY CESC FABREGAS at the 84'! So beautiful from 30 yards away, and Kalac did not see it coming!!

My heart skipped a beat, I couldn't believe it! I know my love is an amazing player, but did he really score that goal? Was it even a goal? Was it offside??? I hated that I was doubting him, but alas, my questions were answered upon watching the numerous replays after the fateful goal. Milan were shaking their boots, now!

As if that goal lifted those cinder blocks off the gunners shoulders, they were even more fired up than before! Fierce passes while flying down the field, I could not even see little Walcott as he passed the ball to Adebayor, who would then kick the ball in for Arsenal's second goal of the night at 90' +2!!! Maybe his new haircut is indeed good luck...

I could hear the Milanese's heart clanging on the ground. The defending champions were beaten. Arsenal made football history, being the first English team to beat AC Milan at home!

The whistle blew, the gunners on the field were nearly in tears. The cameras panned to the Arsenal fans in San Siro, waving their team scarves and shouting about 'ADEBAYORRRRRR, ADEBAYORRRRRRRR.' The king of North London prevailed once again.

Not only did I find my scarf, brooch, and bracelet (which I lost two months ago) today, but my club won against AC MILAN. I certainly knew it wasn't impossible to beat them, but surely I thought that they would at least score a goal.

I guess those young legs were whipped into shape by Arsene Wenger over the weekend!

As for Milan? They had their fair share of glory last season, perhaps it's time for them to pass down the football glory to the young'uns. :]

Close Call.

Perhaps miracles do happen.

After a grueling train-wreck of a match, Arsenal equalize with Aston Villa 1-1.

Although I could wipe my forehand and let out a sigh of relief, there is no denying that the game should have been completely ours, even though our team is surely lacking this Saturday afternoon. I mean, without Senderos's OWN GOAL we could have been three points clear, rather than the one point that is just keeping us neck and neck with Manchester United.

It wasn't til the 90' that Nikolas Bendtner, Arsenal's Danish savior, scored the goal that would keep the gunners at the top of the league.

Sure, I could still keep thinking about Senderos and how MINDLESS he is, but there is no complaining after such a close loss.

You got lucky, Arsene! But smack some sense into the team!!!! It's heading towards the end of the season...

I wonder what Arsene Wenger's thinking there...

Take A Bow.

There is something about bows that are so charming and lively. Whether you get Lolita-esque connotations or it brings back fond memories of your childhood, there is no denying that any girl can have a certain perspective on bows. I seem to have a particular infatuation with them recently, especially on my headbands. As if I already didn't look young enough, I have to don my hair with little, petite, youthful bows now. However, headbands are certainly not my limit. Bows are everywhere for spring from flowy, chiffon blouses to hair ties. And anyone, young or old, can pull off this look.

DKNY


Proenza Schouler

Thakoon

Naeem Khan

Zac Posen

Bows were all over the runways at Fashion week, and I especially love Proenza Schouler's satin bow blouses, in their jewel tones and coordinated with rich colored tights. Although I am anticipating spring, next fall will surely be a great time for fashion, as any fall season is. :]

Unfortunately, I cannot afford such opulence that is Zac Posen or Marc Jacobs, therefore I will have to resolve with finds at the local mall. What have I got my mind on?


I really love that pretty teal color. It reminds me of a Saturday morning in April, reading the newspaper while sipping on a latte.

Reminiscent of Tommy Hilfiger Fall/Winter '08 Collection. Cute!

An adorable little bow on the modern LBD.

Very neo-goth Victorian, and the bow makes it more soft and feminine.

Bows are even found in jewelry! A great way to subtly adorn yourself with the adorable knot.



And of course...the headbands. My hair decor of choice. I am wearing out my cream linen bow headband, and I'm getting the feeling it will be in pieces sometime soon. I love the satin purple one, as well as the blue floral headband. Florals and bows in one package? Perfect!

Counting Down.

Euro Cup 2008 is officially 100 days away as of today. 100 days til La Selección will shine in football glory!

The Spain line-up:

Goalkeepers: Iker Casillas (Real Madrid), Pepe Reina (Liverpoool)

Defenders: Mariano Pernia (Atletico Madrid), Pablo Ibanez (Atletico Madrid), Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid), Joan Capdevila (Villarreal), Raul Albiol (Valencia), Carlos Marchena (Valencia), Carles Puyol (Barcelona)

Midfielders: Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal), Andres Iniesta (Barcelona), Xavi (Barcelona), David Silva (Valencia), David Albelda (Valencia), Joaquin (Valencia), Albert Riera (Espanyol), Marcos Senna (Villarreal)

Forwards: David Villa (Valencia), Daniel Guiza (Real Mallorca), Raul Tamudo (Espanyol)

I'm very pleased with the squad as of now. I'm glad that despite the conflicts with Valencia, Albeda will be part of the squad. And of course, my hubby. :]

Although it's ashame Bojan is not included, I'm sure he will be some day. He has a bright future ahead of him. :]

¡Viva la españa!

"Baby, it's been a long time coming."

Week after week of anticipating Stars on the Coldplay website was worth it.

No, it's not 'the' Star I've been truly waiting for (Which is the release date and such). But rather an article. From none other than the music bible magazine, Rolling Stone.



Coldplay at Work on "Something Different" for Upcoming Album

Behind the scenes with Chris Martin and crew as they record their fourth

Coldplay are currently holed up in a studio in northern London, trying to hammer out the details for their still-untitled fourth album, due out in May. On a white board, three band members have posted radically different proposed track listings for the album. Chris Martin has withheld his, hoping to lobby his colleagues a little while longer. "I heard a Bono quote once that said 'Bands shouldn't break up over money, they should break up over track listing,' " he says. "Nothing could be more pertinent at this point."

To record their fourth album, the band hired legendary producer Brian Eno and pointedly tried to remove all outside influences. "We felt like the first three albums were a trilogy, and we finished that," says guitarist Johnny Buckland. "So we wanted to do something different." The band let Rolling Stone hear the songs they're working on, and most are refreshingly, bracingly different from Coldplay hits like "Clocks" and "Speed of Sound."

Several tracks are considerably rougher around the edges, with distorted guitars and more prominent percussion. The lyrics are darker, dealing with recurring themes of death and loneliness. And on several songs, Martin extends his vocal palette considerably beyond the falsetto that has largely defined him, exhibiting a lower, sexier mode that feels more personal and real. "Whether or not it's good, we certainly started to use more colors," says Martin. "It's impossible to please everybody, and it took us a while to learn that. It's just the freedom to say, 'Everyone might not like this. We're into it at the moment, so let's just get it done.' "

The band explored in a variety of sonic directions, something they attribute to Eno's encouragement. "He's just not judgmental, it's very refreshing," says Martin. Buckland adds, "It wasn't so much that he brings like a sound or something to it. He brings lots of ideas about everything, even down to like how we structured our day." His suggestion? "Take lots of breaks."

Of course, the band is still hammering away at that track listing, but here's a guide to several of the songs likely to end up on the album:

"Violet Hill": One of the strongest of the new songs, the band is considering giving it away as a special promotion in coming weeks and then leaving it off the album. Opening with a jagged distorted guitar riff, the song announces a new template: The stalking, bluesy beat fits nicely with Martin's earthy vocals and plaintive lyrics: "If you love me, won't you let me know?"

"42": The fact that the band is considering this song as the album's first real single underlines how far they're willing to a stray from their formula: It's an elaborate three-part piece, with swirling pianos, strings and beat loops that build to an uptempo climax, with some seriously stoner lyrics: "Those who are dead are not dead/They're just living in my head."

"Yes": Here, Martin's vocals take center stage like never before: Sounding more aggressive and strong than ever, they sit on top of an irresistible North African string-and-tablas arrangement and ache more convincingly than all the lilting falsetto in the world: "If you'd only, if you'd only say 'Yes'/I'm just so tired of this loneliness." It's the band's freshest song since "Parachutes."

"Death and All His Friends": A straight-up rock tune with a riff that sounds ripped from the Doobie Brothers, piano, and, in the last section, flute.

"Cemetaries of London": Notice the thematic pattern emerging from the title and lyrics? This one, with an electro loop and hand claps, doesn't sound as glum as its title portends.

"Life in Technicolor": Acoustic-guitar driven and jangly, this is one of the few tracks that seems built from the Coldplay template of songs like "Don?t Panic," only a bit more, well, panicked: "Baby it's a violent world," Martin sings.

"Chinese Sleep Chant": Opening with a jagged guitar riff, the song quickly settles into a propulsive dance-track loop with low-mixed, angelic vocals.

"Strawberry Swing": This is one of several potential album cuts with Afro-pop and high-life influences: Here, distortion-free finger-picked guitars which sound straight out of Mali mix with a heavy bassline and psychedelic synths. "My Mum comes from Zimbabwe, so I spent a lot of time there," says Martin. "I used to work in a studio where people played that."

"Reign of Love": A lovely layered composition of piano, bass and organ that backs fairytale lyrics.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/sto...upcoming_album

Dark guitar riffs? Chris's sexy voice? Oh my God, upon reading this I nearly fainted. At last, some solid proof that 'Strawberry Swing' and '42' exists!! This totally made my day, if not my week! Would this mean that the release date will be announced soon? Enough of Prospekt already--I want Coldplay!!

"One of the best finishers around"

After arriving home from the airport on Monday, I quickly checked Yahoo! Sports for the results of the matches on Saturday. Going a weekend without any internet access drove me up the wall, and I was so excited to check up on everything I missed.

To my dismay, Arsenal drew against Birmingham 2-2.

But that did not irk me.

What irked me was the horrific injury of Eduardo da Silva, the Brazilian-born Croatian striker of Arsenal FC. I would post pictures, but surely you wouldn't want to see them, especially on a full stomach.

Eduardo suffered a compound fracture to his left fibula and an open dislocation of his left ankle from a heart-skipping tackle from the opposing team's Martin Taylor. He was immediately taken to Selly Oaks Hospital and underwent surgery. Sources say without quick action, there was possibility that his leg would have had to be amputated, which would put a gloomy end to his footballing career.

Taylor, of course, got red-carded.

But that is not enough.

How can one tackle in such a way that makes another player's leg pop out of his skin? Those pictures I witnessed were grueling, and were in no way a pretty sight. Eduardo will not join the gunners again this season. But fortunately, according to Arsene Wenger, Arsenal manager and diety, the striker will be back and ready to play in nine months.

Taylor should be banned from the football pitch, for a very long time. This is such a disappointment to the footballing world. A sport known for it's sportsmanship is now the exposé of the dirty tactics of athletes. North London is angry, and Croatia is as well. Hell, people all around the world is furious. And something needs to be done.

There has been a petition floating around the internet, wanting Martin Taylor to be banned from football for good. The look of that result seems iffy, but if FIFA has half a brain they'd suspend him for quite a duration of the season.

I couldn't sleep on the night upon hearing the news. All that consumed my mind was the thought of poor Eduardo spending his 25th birthday in a hospital bed. I decided to send Mr. da Silva a message through the Arsenal email address, wishing him the best of luck and heart-felt wishes:

You are an amazing footballer with such talent and skill. I have faith that you will certainly heal soon and join the gunners again. God bless you, and I pray for your health. You are such a good soul, and your strength is incredibly admirable. Keep the faith going, you have family, friends, and millions of fans supporting you and your progress in healing.

Over 21,500 messages have come into Arsenal.com from fans all around the world. They will collate all the messages sent and give them to Eduardo. The idea of putting together such kind words and wishes for him brings tears to my eyes. Just knowing that he'll read my message and that I'll make him feel better really makes me feel good about myself.

As for the gunners? They are heartbroken and distraught over this depressing event, but that will not bring them down. This will make them work just as hard, and to fly through the Premier League, kicking Manchester United deeper into the hole.

Win the League for Eduardo, guys. He's praying for you.